Depressing Day

I have never felt so low in my entire life.
This feels worse than when a really close friend betrayed me (and then more), this feels worse than when I almost failed a course in college (just got a really low grade), and this feels like it can’t get any worse than this.

I’m being redundant, but a lot of things are running through my mind right now (if they have legs to actually run).

When I saw a colleague’s message that seemed really close to a rejection letter, all my long-fused hopes and dreams crumbled in a second. It happened so fast, I think the blood drained from my face, I couldn’t think, and I didn’t know how to react.

Is there something wrong with me? I don’t want to seem too proud of myself, but I’ve gotten this far on my own, and I felt like I had a really good chance. The fact that I actually got this far seemed like a sure shot. Everyone else got great responses, and there were only a numerable few left. But it turned out it wasn’t as great as it seemed.

I feel like sinking into depression. I had made so many plans, done a lot of research, and it seemed they were all for nothing. I don’t know what to do now. I feel so stagnant, I feel like there’s nothing more I can do with my life.

Why do I feel this way?

I don’t want to think anymore.


~ by rach124jc on July 9, 2009.

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